My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize