Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
