Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
