I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
