"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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