i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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