Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
