There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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