Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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