the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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