His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
