Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
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