they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Randomize
