we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize