You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
