how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
