if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
