So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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