I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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