i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
