I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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