I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Randomize
