i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
