I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
