i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Randomize
