Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
