I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
