my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
