He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
