my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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