There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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