so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
