i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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