Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
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