the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
True college students do jello shots in the library
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
