he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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