I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Pants are for mortals
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
