i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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