so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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