He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
