all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
