I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
