last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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