Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
