Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
