jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
