Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
