I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
