she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
