scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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