Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The power of my boobs compel you
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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