I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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