Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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