I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
