I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
