Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
