hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
