allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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