So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
this is an emotional support booty call
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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