so explain again why im purple
no
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
