Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
