I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
