my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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