i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
