you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
