Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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