Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
