LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize