im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Damn victory sex feels great
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
