I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
