Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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