you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
