I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
