i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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