You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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