Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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