oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
